haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
