she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize