piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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