I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
