So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
