You made me cry and you don't even care
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
