Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I touched a dick in church today
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