Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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