I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
