everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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