There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
