Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I cannot find my penis.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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