He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
