On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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