seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
