He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
