My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
