im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
