Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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