I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
