That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
