I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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