everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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