wat bout pragnant strippers??
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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