We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
