Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
