she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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