wrigley field is MILF paradise
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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