Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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