you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
