Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
