When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
