I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
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