awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
