Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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