Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
