I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
