I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize