Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
