I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
