I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
