He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
