you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i now understand why vodka
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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