Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
