I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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