she looked like the before picture.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
