I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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