I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
