There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
