best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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