just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
