handjob tips. give me some.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dick very happy bro
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
