dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
