She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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