Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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