I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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