you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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