im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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