oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
