Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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