You made me cry and you don't even care
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize